Zadie

Dear Zadie:  Last week I visited a wonderful hotel to see if it would be possible to have my wedding and reception there.  I was escorted around the venue with someone who called herself the wedding coordinator.  When I asked her what her affiliations were and what her experience was, it turned out she had done little more than work for the hotel.  My question is this, what do these hotel wedding coordinators actually do?

 

Good question.  These lovely women work for the hotel and it is their job to make sure you event goes smoothly; the set up is ready for the tables, chairs and linens to arrive; the hors d’oeuvres are served on time and the bar is ready to go…to name a few.  As far as recommending vendors most of the hotels have a preferred vendor list—which is a list of people the hotel personnel have worked with on prior occasions and have had no trouble from.  Many onsite coordinators will stay through most of your reception, but when it seems to be running well on its own and their services are no longer needed, they hand off to the banquet captain.  The key is to remember she works for the venue so it is not her job to fix a dress or remove a small stain, find a lost photographer or put together one more centerpiece.

 

 

Dear Zadie:  I am the maid of honor in a wedding this summer.  To say I am ready to strangle the bride would be an understatement.  This nicest, sweetest, best friend has turned into someone I don’t know.  Her wedding is planned for Las Vegas; our rooms will cost $250 a night; our dresses are $500 plus shoes and underwear; our hair and makeup will be $150; our airline tickets are another $150 plus car rental or taxi; and I haven’t even added in the cost of meals or tips for all the services.  This will be a personally expensive wedding.  On top of that we are going to Las Vegas for her bachelorette party where we split up all the costs for the bride.  To say I am tapped out is an understatement. For the last month our bride has done nothing but complain about how we have fallen short of her expectations.  Yesterday, I received a two and a half page e-mail from the bride outlining all my shortcomings as maid of honor and all the slights I have inflicted on her.  I am wondering how bad it would be if I just said, “I quit!”???

 

Dear Fuming:  It would be pretty bad.  If the bride is a friend of long standing, you might wish to count to ten, take a deep breath and then count the days until the wedding is over.  Sometimes it is better to ignore bad behavior, especially if you know the bride really isn’t like this. 

 

However, it is Zadie’s opinion that these antics go on far more often than not.  It’s almost as though the bridal party are her personal slaves with no feelings.  There is an expression used by brides, “It’s my day!”  From that tiny statement comes the most self-centered, narcissistic, spoiled behavior…the wedding consultants call it the bridezilla factor.  I think it comes mostly from the younger brides who are not paying for their own weddings…the older brides seem to have a more mature attitude.  Zadie’s best advice is to ignore the snottiness and hope it goes away if you want to remain friends.

 

 

Dear Zadie:  I hired a wedding consultant to help me plan my wedding, but I keep changing my mind about my décor.  I want everything to be perfect.  After so many meetings, my consultant wants to charge me more.  I’m sure many brides change their minds all the time so shouldn’t this already be included in the price?

 

Dear Confused:  If your consultant charged you a “one price covers everything” fee, I don’t think she should charge you more.  I am sure this has been frustrating for her, but if her contract is worded one price, I think she might be stuck.  Most of the bridal consultants I am familiar with, charge by the hour.  That way you pay for the time she spends working on your wedding.  With this arrangement, you can do a lot of your own legwork if you want to hold down the costs.

 

Now, my question for you is why don’t you settle on some colors and get this show moving?  What is the reason for all your indecision?  When you answer that question, you will probably find the perfect colors, too.

 

 

Zadie, can I include the cards from the bridal registries at Macy’s and Dillard’s in my invitations so my guests will know where I am registered.  The ladies in the bridal registry gave them to me and said they are perfectly correct.  What do you think?

 

Dear Questioning:  You know what I think!  Those cards are not permitted anywhere near your invitations.  They belong in the trash can…now.  I know the lovely ladies in the bridal registries say it is OK, but it is asking for a gift and it is rude to include them.  A wedding gift is just that—a gift.  It is not required, but is given because the guest wishes to honor the bride and groom with a present.  If your guests want to know where you are registered, they can call your maid of honor or your mother.  It’s just that simple.

 

 

Zadie wishes to thank all the brides, their mothers, maids of honor, and all the other kind folks who have written for help to this column.  It is Herself’s great pleasure to answer these questions.  And now as summer drives its temperatures above one hundred, let’s enjoy a chilled glass of cold Apollinaris sparkling water.

 

Your mannered friend,

 

 

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