Groom Guru

Dear Groom Guru,

One minute I’m sitting next to my beautiful fiancée talking about centerpieces and, BAM, I’m suddenly defending myself for liking her mother’s idea better than hers (I didn’t say that!), she’s accusing me of not caring about the details of the day (I really don’t, I just want to marry her), saying I don’t know the difference between candlelight white and soft white (does anyone?), and telling me the entire day will be ruined if we don’t have a great first dance (the entire day?).  Um, will the girl I asked to marry me, please come back?  


Terrified Groom


Dear Terrified,

Let’s see what you can do to return your sweetheart back to her original, more sensible condition.


Listen…and wait to see if she wants your help with a problem or just needs to vent.  This is a tough one for you fix-it guys. Often we just need to vent to the one we feel safest with but before we are finished you’re handing us your solution to what you perceive to be our problem!   So before you offer advice, ask, “What can I do to help you?”  Sometimes it’s a new pair of shoes, sometimes chocolate, but occasionally it’s just you that we need someone to listen so that we feel better about the decision we’ve already made.  This may make no sense to you whatsoever; but to women, its right up there with your need for a big screen TV and beer during football season.


Empathize.  Okay, if you just say, “I’m sorry, honey, and I’m here for you,” at the same time you stretch out those strong arms we love to have hold us.  Within minutes we’ll probably be smiling and cuddly again because we have a man who feels with us!  Never discount the empathy quotient.  Even if you have no idea why you are supposed to feel sorry, say it.  The words are as magical to us as 18 holes for the price of nine are to you. 


Ask to help.  Yes, we do love it when you ask, “Can I help?  Make me a list and I’ll take care of it.”  Bubbles of absolute joy bound through us and we can’t find a pen fast enough to make that list.  Of course, when you say this, you must be willing to do it.  The words “I’ll take care of it” imply you have promised to do whatever is on that list.


Affirm your love.  Give us the thumbs up, high five, some knuckle, or whatever you want to call it that says we are great.  Incredibly, amazingly wonderful, and you are proud of us, and proud to be with us, and proud to be seen with us, and proud to be marrying us. We need to know that you are right with us.  “Okay” or “fine,” is a pale substitute for the full-blown eye-to-eye, “You’re the best!  It’s you I love more than anything!”  You can even be cheesy.  “Babe, you melt my heart on a cold winter day. You melt me.”  Okay, not so cheesy, but you get the point.  Tell us you love us.  Tell us all the reasons you want to marry us, including our mystifying determination to have that elusive perfect wedding without a hitch.  Then tell us you’ll love us, even with a tiny problem that no one notices.


Happy Hitching from,

Groom Guru


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